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) and my dad has hired my uncle (in other words: he doesn’t need me anymore), I’m ready to move on.Notice how in this example the author seems to say, “Great!
”For more “Why us” resources: Click here for a three-part post on How to Write a “Why Us” Essay.
Or click here for a Complete Guide to the “Why Us” Essay.
But that’s not always the case, and sometimes you honestly just want out.“My expectations were not met, this was NOT the plan (and I’m not saying it’s the school’s fault but honestly I just don’t want to be here anymore)” Example: Initially, Drake Colonial University stood out to me for its culinary arts program and I looked forward to working side-by-side with top-rated chefs, experimenting with gastronomy and Sous-vide and finding others who shared my geeky passion for Transglutaminase. First of all, because there may be a lot more emotions wrapped up in your decision to transfer than in the two examples mentioned above. ) before letting us know specifically what she found instead: theory instead of hands-on (boo) limited access to experimentation (aw) no other Transglutaminase nerds (I am sad). Ask yourself, What would a dream job be--even if it isn’t your only dream job, and even if you aren’t 100% certain that this is what you’d like to do--and use it as a placeholder, like these students did...
Unfortunately, my experience after arriving differed greatly from the one I’d imagined in at least three important ways: 1) the DCU culinary arts program was focused much more on the theory of cooking than actual cooking (all my finals last year, for example, took place in a classroom using pen and paper rather than in a kitchen); 2) access to supplies and facilities was extremely limited and most were off-limits to underclassmen, and 3) no one here had even heard of Transglutaminase. As a result, some part of you might honestly feel that it IS the school’s fault you’re so unhappy and some part of you may actually want to talk crap about the school. It won’t make you look better or smarter—it’ll just sound like you’re complaining. So in that example above the author first lets us know what she expected (hands on! Why it can be useful to clarify what your expectations were: Side note: Actually, I guess it is kinda’ like talking about an ex, but instead of saying “He was awful because of X,” you’re framing it in a positive way, saying in effect, “It’s not his fault, I just realized I was looking for Y.” (And, hopefully, your reader will be like, “Ooh!! ”) And sometimes, let’s be honest, we didn’t know what we were looking for until we got the opposite. And by reframing everything you’ve been involved in since graduating high school (even the tough stuff) as preparation for your big awesome future. Example 1: I’m particularly concerned about beauty waste because I am morally disturbed by the fact that my personal grooming is damaging the environment for everyone.
The “My expectations were met and the plan worked out!
” Example: I originally chose Pasadena Community College because I wanted to a) stay close to home to take care of my mother, who was recovering from cancer when I graduated high school, b) save money by living at home and completing my general ed requirements for under per credit, and c) help my dad at his TV repair business. Now that my mom is cancer free, I’ve finished my general ed requirements (with straight As!Soon after my arrival, however, Prof Farnham took an indefinite leave of absence when she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.Notice how in this example things didn’t go according to the author’s plan, but it’s not the school’s fault; it’s just the way things turned out.And I’m not by the way just advocating for “show, don’t tell,” because you’ll notice that both authors show AND tell. “how to whip eggs to create the perfect "lift" in a soufflé”).In the first example: First the author shows the value: Slowly, the notification bells and piercing ring tones are replaced by the clamor of metal utensils as my sisters try to fit the plates and silverware around our carefully crafted dinner table. What you’re trying to do here: Let the reader know how/why you are where you are. Notice also how Example 2 above could serve as the opening paragraph, as it also establishes a couple core values (creativity, excellence, entrepreneurship, practicality).Here it goes: Breakfast isn’t the most important meal of the day. The aroma from my mother’s authentic Persian saffron and Barberry spirals around the circular dining table as we prepare to pile each other’s plates high with current events, future plans, and questions about what we learned that day.Slowly, the notification bells and piercing ring tones are replaced by the clamor of metal utensils as my sisters try to fit the plates and silverware around our carefully crafted dinner table.Could it be that I was doing more than just earning money (hint: learned organizational skills, or discipline, or collaboration), more than just quitting school (hint: learned to put your health first), more than just binge-watching Netflix (hint: learned how much you value productivity by being totally unproductive for three weeks straight). And if you’re like, “Um, well, I didn’t do anything,” chances are that either a) you didn’t really think carefully or creatively enough yet, or that b) YOU DON’T DESERVE TO TRANSFER. Through an extensive process that includes concept design, face, cowl, and body sculpting in clay, molding the pieces using liquid latex or silicon, applying the products to the human model, hand-painting and airbrushing, and fabricate addition components if necessary, I will create original characters that will be featured in movies and television shows. But again, these were written by students who weren’t 100% certain that they wanted to do this--they picked something they loved and built an argument (read: essay) around it.If it’s hard for you to think in terms of careers or dream jobs, try asking one of these questions instead: A Really Good Tip for This Paragraph: Think of this as a set-up for a “Why us” essay, in particular the part where you’re talking about YOU… Because if you can pick something specific--and even if it’s a placeholder (like the examples above)--this can lead directly into the next paragraph. Because, once you pick a Thing you’d like to do/study/be, then you can ask yourself, “Okay, what skills/resources/classes will I need in order to do/study/become that Thing?If you’re thinking that the part-time job you took, the decision to quit school, or even the Netflix shows you binge-watched wasn’t ultimately preparing you for your big awesome future, you’re just not thinking creatively enough—yet. As a community of passionate learners and intellectuals we can spread the message to student groups in colleges that protecting the environment trumps our desire for the most wrapped-up, elaborate, expensive packaging.Ask yourself: could it be that I was gaining other skills and values along the way? My dream is to become a special effects makeup artist with a specialty in fantasy-based creature makeup.