You can see here that the student has simply stated the paper's assignment, without articulating specifically how he or she will address it.
The student can correct this error simply by phrasing the thesis statement as a specific answer to the assignment prompt.
Sometimes students think scholarly writing means constructing complex sentences using special language, but actually it's usually a stronger choice to write clear, simple sentences.
When in doubt, remember that your ideas should be complex, not your sentence structure.
Better: Through a series of student interviews, I found that Kennedy High School's antibullying program was ineffective.
In order to address issues of conflict between students, I argue that Kennedy High School should embrace policies outlined by the California Department of Education (2010).
The student needs to come up with a more arguable claim, and probably a narrower one; remember that a short paper needs a more focused topic than a dissertation.
Better: Roderick's (2009) theory of participatory leadership is particularly appropriate to nurse educators working within the emergency medicine field, where students benefit most from collegial and kinesthetic learning.
is the brief articulation of your paper's central argument and purpose.
You might hear it referred to as simply a "thesis." Every scholarly paper should have a thesis statement, and strong thesis statements are concise, specific, and arguable.